Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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