Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
