I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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