Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
