I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
