U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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