my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
