It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
