it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
