So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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