So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
