You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
