goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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