At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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