last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
