Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
