I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
