So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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