ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
