Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
