You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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