I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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