So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
