i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
