The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
