I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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