im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize