I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
