they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
