Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
