We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
