and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
