I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
