Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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