I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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