My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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