So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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