Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
