my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
