I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
