I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I understand Curling. That high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
