I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
