THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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