the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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