hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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