I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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