I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
