girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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