I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
