cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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