I just made out with a guy for $7.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize