living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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