Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
