I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
