Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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