I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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