Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
