He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
