ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
