i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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