I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
