Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
