After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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