this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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