new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
