Too much gin, very little bucket
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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