There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
