So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I fill condoms, not promises.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize