I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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