Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
