Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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