forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
